It’s hard to imagine that there was a time in this country where people were bought and sold as property. They weren’t considered human and they certainly weren’t treated as such. At one time, that was a perfectly legal practice, to snatch people from their homes, to separate children from their parents, all because it was legal and folks were too lazy to pick their own damn cotton. There was nothing un-Christian about this at all, which made it right in the eyes of the public.

It’s hard to imagine that there was a time where women weren’t allowed to vote because men thought the fairer sex too “feeble minded”, were afraid of black women voting and appalled at the idea of women taking their liquor. The very idea was so un-Christian. Didn’t women know their places? It certainly wasn’t making decisions and casting votes. God forbid. There was a roast at home that just wasn’t cooking itself.

It’s hard to imagine that there was a time when black and white children weren’t allowed to use the same restroom, sit on the same seat on a bus or go to the same school. It’s also hard to imagine that there was a time when a black woman and a white man or a white woman and a black man weren’t allowed to get married and have children. People were tortured and killed for doing these things. But yet, not so long ago, it was perfectly legal to keep people from doing such things.

That’s the thing about time, it lends you a completely different perspective on issues. You see it with different eyes. You see how ridiculous it was for you to believe in these ideologies. You ask yourself what in the world would’ve made someone want to be so cruel to another person just because you didn’t like the color of their skin or their gender…or who they chose to love. Time is the ultimate revelator and it can paint the most beautiful or most horrific of pictures.

We look back now on these issues and we can’t believe that America could’ve ever been so prejudice and cruel. We can’t imagine ever living in a time where these things were common place. The thought of owning another person as property, of a woman being told she isn’t allowed to vote, or an interracial couple not being allowed to marry is so ludicrous.

That said…

I don’t know about you, but I want to leave this world with a clear conscious, knowing that I stood up for what was right and decent. I don’t want to look back 50 years from now with regret, wondering how I could’ve let one tiny little thing keep me from doing the right thing.

We all have to decide where we stand on issues and we have to be able to live with them. I can sit here and preach all day long and not a single one of you has to agree with what I say, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t begrudge you for your opinion and I love and respect you all the same. As long as I feel in my heart though that what I’m saying and what I’m doing is right, then I’m good with me.

But for the life of me, I just can’t understand how anyone could look at another person and make them feel like a third-class citizen for who they love. Doesn’t feel right to me. And that’s the last I’ll say about it.

*steps off soapbox*

Oh, and one more thing…

Not allowing gay people to marry won’t stop them from adopting children and raising them. It won’t stop them from being families. It won’t stop them from teaching your children. It won’t stop them from signing your paychecks. It won’t stop them from going to your church…or preaching to you on Sunday mornings. It won’t stop them from running into your house the next time it’s on fire. It won’t stop them from taking a bullet for you in Afghanistan.

So let’s see: they’ll still love each other, they’ll still live in the same house, they’ll still fight over who takes the girls to soccer practice, they’ll still be functioning members of society, and oh yeah, they’ll STILL BE GAY. You can’t un-gay them by not allowing them to marry. And be honest, isn’t that the entire point of your argument? Isn’t that your whole issue? Not the person that they are, but who they choose to love.

What are you fighting so hard for again? Right.

Now, I’m done.

http://humanrightscampaign.tumblr.com/standformarriage

About a month ago, my mother gifted me an old lamp that she had had from sometime in the 1980s. I accepted it graciously, figured that I would use it one day or just give it away, and set it against a wall in the living room where it has set since. Tired of looking at it and determined to put some of my DIY Pinterest pinning to good use, I decided that I would keep the lamp and give it a much needed redo. And I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.

One of the great things about Pinterest is the ability to find affordable, easy DIY jobs for just about anything. The lamp redo projects were endless, but the one that caught my eye was the DIY Mercury Glass Lamp from Knock Off Decor. I had seen a similar lamp at T.J.Maxx a couple months back and fell in love. If I could make something similar for a margin of the price, then I was all for it. Also, I really wanted to get my hands on a can of Krylon Looking Glass Mirror Like Paint and play around with it.

Suffice to say, whenever I really want to do something, obstacles will land in my way. First, I went to the Krylon site and found a list of retailers that carry their paints. Michaels was first on the list. Fantastic! I love Michaels and I love any excuse to throw my money at them. Unfortunately, they don’t carry the Looking Glass spray paint anymore. So I grabbed a can of Krylon Premium Chrome for safe measure and a paint stencil and decided to try my luck at another store. And another. And another. Aannndd another. No such luck.

Apparently, no-one in Savannah carries the Krylon Looking Glass paint, not even Sherwin Williams, who owns Krylon. I spent the better part of two hours calling every single vendor in Savannah and Pooler to find a can. The closest was the Hobby Lobby in Statesboro and I just didn’t want the paint enough to drive those 45 minutes for it. So I went with Plan B and decided to put that Krylon Chrome to good use.

I threw some newspapers and plastic across my front porch, taped off the cords and bulb unit, and pulled out a small container of “Adrift” Valspar paint that I had got for free last year. I had been saving it for a special occasion and this seemed like a good enough reason to use it. I had decided to redo the shade, as well, and this color would go nicely with the chrome.

I applied an even coat of the Krylon Chrome all the way around the lamp body, let it dry, and then repeated with a second and third coat, letting it dry for about 30 minutes between each.

As for the shade, I held it from the inside rods and applied an even coat of the Valspar, making sure to check the paint against the natural light so I wouldn’t have any patchy spot. I let it dry for an hour, then reapplied a second coat. After letting it dry for another hour, I taped off the inside seams at the top and bottom and painted the fabric. I then allowed both the lamp base and shade to dry inside overnight. It’s very hot and humid in Savannah in the summers, so I wanted to make sure no moisture set up in the lamp overnight.

Fast-forward 13 hours and I decided to put my paint stencil to good use. I knew that I wanted to put the design on the shade, but wasn’t sure in what color. I kept going back and forth between white and black, but in the end decided that the Krylon Chrome would make an excellent hue. If anything, it would tie the shade to the lamp.

I have to say, taping the stencil on to the shade was a pain the ass. I just couldn’t get it snug enough on the shade and I was afraid that there would be too much “wiggle room” and that the paint would drip. After 20 minutes, I decided to just spray the damn shade and be done with it. So I sprayed two designs on opposite sides of the shade and allowed it to dry for about an hour outside. Sure enough, there was a couple of “drippy” spots and an imperfection here or there, but overall I’m very happy with the way it turned out. For my very first lamp redo, I’m quite pleased with myself. Now that I know the mistakes I made with this one, I can do better on the future lamp projects I have in store. And believe me, there will be more. This could get dangerous. :)

As for the elusive Krylon Looking Glass paint, a wonderful family member is sending me a can and I plan to use it on another lamp soon. So watch for that DIY!

After last year’s epic Timey Wimey Fail Cake, I said I wasn’t going to do another fondant cake for my son’s birthday. I remember that it all started out as a Tardis cake, but ended up a sad blue blob with two homemade Adipose on the top with penciled in eyeballs and mouths. You could even see the lead marks. I cried for hours over that damn cake. When I think of all the marshmallows and all that Crisco and hard work that I put into it, just to have it all fall flat in the end, well it was just too much. I vowed I’d never do this again. No, I was going to be a normal mother and just buy a damn cake from Walmart or Publix. Something overpriced and too sweet. Something that no-one would eat, but still more beautiful than what I had made.

Alas, I’m a culinary masochist of the first order, and as such, have decided to go for round two. If I’m being really honest with myself, I have to admit that I took special pleasure in the whole process of making my own homemade marshmallow fondant. I think that’s why I was itching to make another. Not because I think I can actually make an awesome cake that will be the envy of all birthday cakes ever. No, it all boils down to the fact that I’m really a three year old who likes to get her hands dirty and play with food.

So, how am I going to ruin my son’s birthday this year? With a camouflage cake, that’s how. I’ve Pinterested, Youtubed, and Googled and can now say I’m armed with just enough knowledge to make this cake. Will I succeed? Who knows, probably not. Will I regret this? Probably. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.

I think one of the main problems I had last year was that I used normal food coloring instead of gel. That’s what caused my marshmallow fondant to get all screwy. I found that I wasn’t getting the color I wanted, so I kept adding drops of coloring, which compromised the consistency of the fondant. So I’m planning a trip to Michaels in the next day or so to see if I can find some gel. Other than that, I thought I did rather well with the overall structure of the cake. I cut the tops even. I layered it well. Even my poor little Adipose looked okay. It was just that damn fondant.

Wish me well and pray that this cake turns out okay. I will get it right this year. I think.

Update: Apparently, I have a list of 14 qualities of the type of guy I like. Jeez. Forgot about that post. This is what happens when you start reading old blog posts. :)

We’ve all seen those internet quizzes where you answer a bunch of random questions and it spits out a generic type of person you’re destined to be with. Your “type”, if you will. They’re not exactly the most scientific way of figuring out the person you should spend the rest of your life with, but fun nevertheless.

If asked, I would probably say that I’ve never really had a “type”. I say this, but I have always found myself attracted to men with dark brown hair and blue eyes- mainly of the British or Scottish persuasion, to be my cup of tea. Have I ever dated a dark brown haired, blue-eyed Brit? Sadly, no. But if I did have a “type”, then I suppose it would be a man who had common sense, was intelligent enough to keep up with me at Jeopardy, and someone who could make me laugh. I love a good sense of humor in a man. It’s really the most attractive quality in the opposite sex, in my opinion. It’s what makes my blood warm and my pulse quicken. There’s something very sexy about a guy who is smart, but still silly enough that he would make a total ass of himself just to see a girl smile. Someone with a weird, almost sick sense of humor. So yeah, I guess I do have a “type”.

Before I continue, I need to say that I’m married to to the greatest guy ever. He’s so patient and he puts up with me, so he can’t be all that bad. One of the things that first attracted me to my husband was his sense of humor. He loved to have a good time and he knew exactly what to say and do to make me laugh and smile.

I’m famous for telling anyone who asks how the two of us didn’t get on at all when we first met. He thought I was this fast little thing in a short summer dress who REALLY wanted the job and I thought he was a grumpy man with a tendency to throw keys across the radio station when he was in a bad mood. He was the Mr. Darcy to my Elizabeth. Over time though we found something in each other and love bloomed. I discovered that he wasn’t grumpy at all and that he had a way of making me laugh like no-one else ever had. So I snatched him up and made an honest man out of him. To this day, whenever I’m in a bad mood or just being plain mean or grumpy, he can say something to make me laugh and all is well. I’m at my happiest when I’m sitting beside him in the car laughing like an idiot over something crazy he’s said or done.

Take today, for instance. My husband and I decided to get out early and scout around the Savannah historic district for some yard sales. This really is the best time for yard sales because all of the SCAD students are leaving for the summer or graduating and they’re selling practically everything they can so they don’t have to take it back home. You can get some really good deals and steals. All of this has nothing to do with my story though, so I’ll skip to the end.

So we finish with the yard sales and we’re chatting it up in the truck on the way home and we hear “John Deere Green” on the radio. I begin to sing in a silly voice and my husband is giving me this look like I’ve lost my mind. It’s that point that I turn to look at him with the most earnest, sincere look on my face and say, “How come you’ve never climbed a water tower and did that for me?”

He proceeded to explain that:
1) His name isn’t Billy Bob.
2) My name isn’t Charlene.
3) That he isn’t climbing up “some damn water tower to fall to my death just for you, girl!”

That’s when I began to whine a little about how it wasn’t fair that my name wasn’t spray-painted on an overpass, underpass, or hallpass. I wanted a very loud, very colorful act of vandalism to prove that he loves me as much as he says he does.

So he thought about it for a minute, rolled down his window, slowed down at the red light in a very busy, crowded intersection and yelled at the top of his lungs to everyone within hearing distance of three miles, “I love Gennie! I love Gennie! I love this woman!!! I love Gennie! Do you hear me? I love her!!! I LOOOOVVEEE GENNNIIIEEE!!!”

People were craning their necks from their vehicles to find out what the commotion was. Some poor guy on a motorcycle almost fell over in fear. People walking into the Auto Zone and those in the parking lot for the car wash all turned their heads to find out why this crazy man in the truck was yelling and who the hell this Gennie chick was. I could only cover my face and sink way down into the floorboard, praying no-one I knew had seen or heard this very vocal display of love.

After a good minute and a half of this passion-induced screaming, my husband rolled up his window and smiled at me. Our son was in the backseat rolling around thinking this was the best thing he had ever witnessed in his life. That’s when I busted out laughing and decided that Billy Bob and Charlene could keep their damn water tower and green heart. My husband doesn’t roll like that. He does very loud, very colorful acts of drive-by love vandalism.

Oh, I love that man. He’s crazy, but he’s mine and I guess I’m kinda stuck with him for life. I was reminded today why I fell in love with him and why I decided to marry him. He’ll do anything to make me smile, even if it means yelling like a madman at half the city.

Never again will I question how far he’s willing to go to profess his love for me. Honestly, I’m afraid to.

I’ve spent the better part of the last couple of weeks reading everyone’s “Best of 2011″ song lists. I’ve listened to a lot of different music in 2011 and I thought it might be fun to do my own list and share it with you all. I should warn you now, this isn’t an exciting list. In fact, there are quite a few sad, depressing songs on the list, but there is a reason why every single one of them made it on, so I hope you’ll take the time to read them over. And hey, maybe you’ll discover a song you hadn’t heard before, which would make me very happy.

So here they are, my Top 10 Songs of 2011, according to last.fm and other technical thing-a-muh-hoojets. And assuming some of you don’t actually make it to the bottom of this blog post, I figured I’d go ahead and wish you all a very Happy New Year. Here’s hoping your 2012 is full of health, happiness, and many blessings. :)

Dizzy’s Top 10 of 2011:

10: “Born to Die” by Lana Del Rey: Thanks to the TuneIn app for my Android, I’ve discovered some great radio stations from around the word. My favorite station, by far, is 97.7 XFM out of Manchester. Thanks to a top-notch playlist, I’ve been listening to some music that would’ve otherwise went under my music radar. One of the artists I discovered via XFM is Lana Del Rey. The first time I heard “Born to Die”, I actually got goosebumps. She had me with the very first couple of lines. It’s such an epic, depressing song…and I love it! The video is beautiful and insane…and I love it! And is it just me or does Lana look exactly like Ginny Baker, Samantha’s slightly bitchy and over-medicated sister, from Sixteen Candles? Keep your eye on this one. I have a feeling she’s about to hit it big here in the States.

9: “Same Old You” by Miranda Lambert: I do love me some Miranda Lambert. In fact, I love her so much that she makes this list twice. But let’s take one song at a time, shall we?

I picked “Same Old You” for my Top 10 because it’s my favorite from Four the Record. The entire album is a tour de force and firmly cements Miranda as the baddest, boldest chick in country music at the moment. I’ve read a lot of mixed reviews about the album and I think most people were confused by the creative “risks” that Miranda took with some of the songs, most notably “Fine Tune”. Personally, I love the fact that she went outside the box and her comfort zone on some of the songs, but to each their own.

And while “Same Old You” isn’t the flashiest song on the album, it is, in my opinion, one of the best. The amazingly talented Brandi Carlile wrote the song for Miranda and provided background vocals. For all the fuss about Miranda’s musical direction, I think people need to look no further than this song to see where she stands.

“You can keep your ring and I’ll keep my Daddy’s name.” Is it possible to marry a lyric?

8: “Howlin’ for You” by The Black Keys: There’s nothing I love better than an ass-kicking rock band, which is probably why Brothers and El Camino by the Black Keys were two of my favorite albums of the year. Every single track was bang-up, but it was “Howlin’ for You” that stood out the most for me. I’m not afraid to admit that I openly squealed with glee when I heard this in the pilot episode for Once Upon a Time. It’s such a fun, sexy, catchy tune.

As for the video, well it’s got Trisha Helfer in underwear and leather, so what’s not to love? Seriously, we need a movie out of this. I’m looking at you Tarantino.

7: “If I Had A Gun” by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds: I spent the better part of my junior and senior year of high school trying to decide who I wanted to be more: Alanis Morissette or Cher Horowitz, and listening to (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? in my bedroom over and over and over until I had Oasis’d myself and everyone around me out. At that time in my life, the songs on that album spoke to me in ways that nothing else really did. “Wonderwall” was the answer to everything. I was this angsty teenage girl who had finally come into a rebellious stage and this was the soundtrack to all of those feelings that were bursting out of me.

When most people think of Oasis, they think of Liam Gallagher’s bad behavior and legendary sibling rivalry with his brother and band mate, Noel. It’s a natural response considering all the gossip over the years about drug and alcohol induced concerts and fist fights between the two. If you push all of that muck aside though and really break the group down in terms of what they’ve delivered, you can’t deny that Oasis is an important part of rock history. They have inspired so many bands and artists over the years and their songs are considered classics by many, myself included.

I have a deep love and appreciation for Oasis and the creative brainchild that is Noel Gallagher, which is why I’m elated that he’s back with his High Flying Birds and releasing beautiful songs like “If I Had a Gun”. Here’s hoping that a new generation of angsty teens fall in love with his music like I did.

6: “Poison & Wine” by the Civil Wars: If there is any justice in this world, the Civil Wars will win every Grammy award that they’re nominated for. I’m a little miffed that country radio hasn’t embraced them as they deserve, but they’ve developed quite a huge following, despite the lack of radio airplay. You don’t have to be a country fan to appreciate the impressive songwriting and vocals of Joy Williams and John Paul White.

I picked “Poison & Wine” for the list because it’s beautiful and heartbreaking…two of my favorite musical components. I also played this song obsessively for weeks at a time. I think that counts for something.

Side note: I love how they get right in each others face, practically nose to nose and cheek to cheek, in their videos.

5: “Gonna Get Over You” by Sara Bareilles: Simply put, this song makes me happy. Like, jump up on a table and sing out loud like an idiot happy. Yeah, that happy. And the video is adorable. I love Sara Bareilles. :)

4: “Housewife’s Prayer” by Pistol Annies: Let’s be honest, country music radio is horrible. Has been for years. You’ve got these numbskull program directors listening to numbskull radio reps who wouldn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground, yet pretty much dictate what does and doesn’t get played on the radio. And I know it isn’t exclusive to just the country format, but since we’re talking about a country song now, we’re going to stay on that path.

So yeah, country radio sucks. Real country music, and I mean the good stuff, is rarely heard. The definition of “real country music” is a topic which has been hotly debated over the years, and depending on the types of music you prefer, you either listen to country radio or turn your nose up at it.

Me? I love good songwriting. It’s as simple as that. Sure I have some guilty pleasure songs, but at the core of my tastes is a desire for a strong message, whatever that message may be. It just has to be real and honest. Something with emotion that reaches right into my chest and grabs my heart with both hands and squeezes. I tend to listen to anything of the alt-country or classic country persuasion. You know, stuff you won’t hear on the radio. *grumbles*

I think that’s why the Pistol Annies is one of my favorite artists at the moment. Yes, I love Miranda Lambert, but this group and these songs aren’t just about Miranda. It’s about three amazing singer-songwriters who’ve decided to go back to the basics. Every single track of their self-titled debut could’ve been recorded 30 years ago. It’s classic, but it’s still contemporary. It’s got attitude, but it’s still soft. And oh my lord, it’s real and it’s honest.

We’re talking about gold-diggers, baby carriages before marriage, mufflers tied on with guitar strings, and boys below the Mason-Dixon line. More importantly, we’ve got three women: Angaleena Presley (Holler Annie…my favorite!), Ashley Monroe, and Miranda Lambert, lending their pens, their hearts, their souls, their experiences, and their distinct voices into these songs.

I picked “Housewife’s Prayer” as one of my top favorites of 2011 because it’s my favorite track on the album. I found myself listening to this song over and over and just loving it more with every listen. I can identify with the woman Angaleena is channeling. I know all about the stress of bills, kids, and marital life. And while her housewife prefers to down her troubles with alcohol,pills, and the threat of burning the whole damn house down, I deal with mine in less dramatic means: books, Twitter, and damn good music that the assholes at corporate radio are too dumb to play.

3: “Never Let Me Go” and “Shake It Out” by Florence + the Machine: I am the biggest Florence Welch fan. She’s like some amazing fairy goddess with her flowing gowns and red hair and bare feet. She’s some sort of ethereal, woodland nymph that dances around on stage, putting everyone in a trance. And that voice? Perfection. It’s wonderful to think of something so strong coming out of someone who is so very soft-spoken.

Florence’s debut album, Lungs, has been one of my favorite albums for some time now, so much so that I listen to it pretty much every day. And because I think of it as this brilliant piece of work, it’s fair to say that I had a lot of trepidation about whether her sophomore effort would venture off the path that I had come to love so much. I really had nothing to worry about. Whereas Lungs is very unworldly, Ceremonials is full of so many dramatic twists and turns. It’s darker and yet very soulful. There’s bluesy gospel choirs and beating drums. It’s big and bold and everything you’d want and expect from Florence.

I had a difficult time picking just one favorite from the album, so I’m picking two. The first is “Never Let Me Go”, which is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in a very long time. The second is “Shake It Out”, which is about shaking out all of your regrets and moving on.

Bow to the genius that is Florence + the Machine.

2: “Wetsuit” by The Vaccines: Add this one to the “Discovered on XFM” list. Most people went with “Norgaad” for their lists, but it was “Wetsuit” that won me over. I turned 34 this year and somewhere in the midst of me feeling depressed about getting older and watching my son turn into a hormonal, angry teenager, the Vaccines came along to tell me that everything was going to be okay. I needed to stop worrying about turning older and start enjoying life just a little more. I needed to grab it by the balls, throw caution to the wind, and get to living and loving more. This could be the anthem for anyone of any age who is desperately trying to hold on to whatever youth they can. My resolution for 2012 is to live every day by this song.

1: “Someone Like You (Live in Her Home)” by Adele: This is it. This was my favorite song of 2011. The last time I had a song hit me in the gut like this was when Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” was released back in 1991. On my list of all-time favorite songs ever, “I Can’t Make You Love Me” is top of the list. I don’t think there’s ever been a time I listened to it that I didn’t tear up a bit or outright cry. The emotion of the lyrics and the sadness dripping off of Bonnie’s voice has held a place in my heart for the better part of 21 years. I’ve heard a lot of sad songs in that time, but never had one to even compare to my favorite…until now.

I love a good heartbreak song and it doesn’t get any more heartbreaking than “Someone Like You”. Adele took a painful, real-life breakup and wrote a masterpiece out of the pain. The song itself is so simple, which is really what makes it so elegant and beautiful. It’s a story about running into an ex-boyfriend, years down the road, and admitting that you still love him. And here he is, with this beautiful life and beautiful wife, and all of these things that you wanted with him, but he just didn’t want with you. You try not to be bitter, you try to be positive and say that you’ll move on, but in the end, you know that every man will be in the image of this man who doesn’t love you. How can you NOT clutch your chest at that? Tell me that doesn’t break your heart.

This song has resonated with people all over the world for a reason. And that reason is how real and brilliant it is. Guts me every time.

I’m choosing this live version over the album version mainly because I prefer her vocals here. There’s something about her voice when she’s singing “Don’t forget me, I beg. I’ll remember you said.” on the album version that throws me off. She’s hits a very awkward high note that seems rushed. But on the live version, that part of the song is toned down and slower, which really makes a difference for me.

Side note: 1991 really was the best year ever, right?

I usually don’t watch the news so much as I turn it on and listen to it as I wash dishes, cook supper, or browse the net. So you can imagine my shock when I looked up to see the above video. That’s when my eye caught the picture on the left hand of the postcard. I turned to my husband and said, “Hey…that looks like my photo. Wait…a…second…OMG, it is!”

That picture look familiar? It should. I took it in 2007.

That’s when my fingers flew at lightning speed to my Flickr gallery and I pulled up the photo for my husband who didn’t remember me taking it at all. For a moment I tried to think back to any Twitter or Facebook conversations I may or may not have had with any of the news staff regarding the photo. Did I give them permission and it just slipped my memory? I really dig the crew at WSAV and I didn’t want to come off as a raging photographer to folks who have been nothing but nice to me online. I forget things often and I frequently tell my husband that I think I’m losing my mind. So I very well may have given them permission to use it and it just slid off my brain and out my ear. That’s normal for me.

So I Tweeted about it and that’s when I get another Tweet telling me the same photo is being used in a Facebook group. Popular photo, no? I’m ashamed to say that I reacted in a very unladylike way at this news. I rushed over to the Facebook group demanding the photo be taken down, only to find that one of my Twitter followers…a very sweet lady I might add, is one of the admins. After much apologizing for acting like a crazed lunatic, it was all sorted out. And thankfully I didn’t lose any followers for it.

I think it’s pretty damn cool to see one of my photos on television, I just wish I had been informed of it earlier so I could’ve kept an eye out for it…or at least called my mother so she could brag about it to her girlfriends. So please people, ask next time you want to use one of my photos. It’s just common courtesy. Also, I almost never say no, so there’s a very good chance I’ll let you use the photos you want. Like any egotistical artist, I like to see my work out there for the masses, I just like to be made aware of it.:0)

That said, I’m very proud that WSAV chose to use the photo. It makes me feel good to know that someone out there liked it as much as I did. It really is a good photo. And I love WSAV. They’re such good folks, every single one of them, so if you’re one of my WSAV pals and you’re reading this, just know that I’m not mad. It was just a surprise. :)

Recommended Reading: Understanding Copyright on Flickr

Well, it’s not snowing here in Savannah…not that it ever does…and we’re still wearing summer clothing for the most part, but it is finally beginning to look like Christmas. My neighbors have all been busy this week stringing up colored LED lights and putting reindeer and snowmen on their lawns. We haven’t put our lights up yet, but I’m hoping that on my husband’s next available day off, we can start decorating. I love this time of the year with all the lights and garland and month-long holiday music on 98.7 The River. It warms my heart and makes me feel festive. :)

I pulled my Christmas tree and all of my decorations out of the closet a few days ago and am now in the process of decorating. The tree is up and looks awesome, now I need to work on my A Christmas Story village. Every year “Santa” brings me a new Department 56 piece. Last year I finally received Ralphie’s House after asking for it two years in a row. The year before that, I was given the Bumpus House. This year I’m shooting for Cleveland Elementary School and Triple Dog Dare. Piece by piece I’m creating the most fabulous Christmas village ever, because let’s face it, anything associated with “A Christmas Story” is full of all kinds of win.

Now, if Santa would just work on that snow for me, I’d be a really happy girl this year. :)

Now I know this isn’t the good, or as my mother would say “Christian”, thing to do but I can’t help it. I usually get over it, but there are the times when I have been so wronged, so offended, so slighted in some fashion that I just can’t allow myself to forgive. That’s when I cut people out of my life. Doesn’t matter who it is: friend, family, whatever…if I get to “that level”, you are cut out. I don’t call you. I don’t write. I don’t send cards for birthdays or Christmas. You’re just snipped right out of the picture.

The amazing part? It doesn’t bother me one iota to cut people out. For example: a few years ago my mother and I had a major disagreement on the subject of disciplining my son. My mother took it to a very dramatic and completely uncalled for level and having had quite enough, I hung up on her. My husband, hearing this argument and seeing how upset she had made me, calmly walked into our den, took the phone from my hands, called my mother, and proceeded to tell her off in the nicest way possible. This appalled my mother, because how dare anyone tell her she was wrong. At that moment, I cut my mother out of my life until I felt she was worthy to be glued back in. This lasted almost five months. I didn’t call. I didn’t write. I didn’t return messages. Done. The only reason I lifted the shun was because my cousin was having a baby shower and I knew there would be drama if I didn’t suck it up and make peace beforehand. Had it not been for dear Maggie having her sweet baby boy, I honestly don’t think I would’ve glued my mother back in so short a time. But made peace we did and my mother hasn’t broached the topic of discipline with me again. I call that a lesson learned. She now knows that there is a line in the sand you don’t cross, and if you do, you know what will happen.

You see, there is one cardinal law in the land of Dizzy: Thou shalt not DELIBERATELY piss off or offend. People break this law in little ways every day and I let it go. It could be the snotty teenager on the cell who just cut me off in traffic. I can let that go. It could be the co-worker who won’t pull their weight. I usually say something to correct the situation and I let it go. It could be the fact that my husband blows his nose in the shower and I have to fuss before he comes to wipe his slimy boogers off the shower wall before I’ll step into it. He’s towing a very dangerous line into Cutville, but I love him and of course I let it go…but not before ranting and yelling about respect and threatening divorce if he ever does it again. You see, I can cut you out of my life and it doesn’t bother me. No seriously, it doesn’t. I don’t cry over missing you. I don’t get upset. Of course I still love you and think about you and regret that it has to get to this point, but cutting people out of my life doesn’t affect me one bit. I know this sounds cold, but you have to understand that this is my way of dealing with a stressful situation. It’s not right, but it’s the only way I can cope.

Why am I this way? One word: Dad. My father was the epitome of evil. Look up “bad father” in the dictionary and I’m sure there will be a picture of him. He abused everyone around him in the worst ways possible, especially his children. We were beat. We had bruises. I could go on and on with the horror stories, but I won’t. Growing up was not fun. It was not pleasant. None of us enjoyed it. We all couldn’t wait to get out. I speak for myself when I say that after enduring 17 years of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to protect and love me, I made a concrete decision at a very early age that once I was on my own and no longer under his control that I wouldn’t allow anyone to treat me bad. And I’ve stuck to that. I don’t let people talk to me any way they want to. No-one has ever laid another finger on me. I have this tough outer shell from the scar tissue of years and years of abuse and I wear it as a shield to deflect the bad.

All of this brings me to a very unique and heartbreaking inhabitant of Cutville…a family member. I love this particular person more than words can describe. She’s one of my best friends. I adore her. I’ve always looked up to her. And while we’ve always butted heads, we’ve never gotten to the point where I won’t talk to her…until this last March. I won’t go into the sordid details, because I know she reads this blog and I don’t want to rehash anything, but I’ll just say that this person came to visit and left two days later after a huge blow-up. Things were said on both sides and we haven’t spoken since. I haven’t taken her phone calls. I haven’t responded to messages. Done. I don’t know if it would’ve gotten this far had she not said that she had nothing to apologize for and that she was not wrong. That was the kicker with me. How can you act really bad and not accept responsibility?

So I cut her out. With every snip it broke my heart. But I know me and I know that for me to forgive, she has to accept the fact she was wrong in how she acted. I want an apology. More importantly, I’m owed an apology. This isn’t just me being an asshole and demanding one. I’m owed it for the things said to me, the things said to my husband, the disruption of my household, and the general way she left things. I’m owed that. Did I say things I shouldn’t have? Oh yeah, I did. But the point here is that I never would’ve treated her the way she treated me and left the way she did. I can’t forgive that without an apology, regardless of who you are.

I will be the first to admit when I’m wrong. I’m constantly eating crow and apologizing for something I’ve said or didn’t say or something I did. I don’t mind apologizing. I know I’m a flawed human being. I own up to the things I do. But how do I deal with someone who is never wrong? Someone who won’t apologize, but know that they should?

Every day that I don’t talk to her has broken my heart. I feel like I’ve lost a best friend and a family member. I’ve missed calling her when her grandson was born, even though I desperately wanted to. I’ve missed calling on her birthday so I slipped and sent her a card…which in itself is amazing and goes a long way to show how much I love this person, but it’s not the same as picking up the phone and telling someone that you love them and that they mean something to you. Christmas is coming and I’ll send a card, but it won’t be the same as calling her and sharing the day. I’m too stubborn to make the first move and flat-out refuse to…and she’s doing the same on her end. We both need to grow up and make the first move, but we’re both so headstrong and full of pride that we won’t and with every passing day, we both continue to hurt one another.

So I’m asking you…how do I forgive? Should I just eat up all those things she said and call? If I do, I know another argument will ensue, because we’ve got to get this out. It’s not finished. So many things were left unsaid and we’re both so stubborn that we’ll both have to get them out to feel resolution and I’m afraid it will lead to another argument. But I have to be honest here, my walls are breaking down a bit and I miss this person in my life and I’m torn as to what to do. I love her so much and even though I’m still angry, I know that I can’t continue to not speak to her, but I can’t be the first person to apologize, especially when I feel I wasn’t in the wrong. My husband sees how the situation is paining me and is encouraging me to move first…but I won’t. My mother also sees this situation and how far it’s gotten and is encouraging me to move first…but I won’t. I can’t be the first person to move across that line. My pride won’t let me. My hurt feelings won’t let me. The principal of it all won’t let me.

And so here we are. What to do? :(

Wallace & Gromit, Joe Dirt, The Spirit, and The Wrestler can be available for pickup tomorrow @ 1:30pm. Let me know if this is an available time for you
Thanks

“Awesome”, said I. Then I went back and read the listing again and saw that some were burned copies, not originals. I decided that I was no longer interested in getting them and I knew he wouldn’t want them, so I emailed the lady back at 7am with this:

Thanks for the response. I was going to get them for my brother, but he just told me that he didn’t need them after all. I appreciate it though. Thanks again. :)

A nice gesture seeing that most people on Craigslist will leave you hanging and waiting around all day without an email or a call. I gave the lady more that enough notice that I no longer wanted them. I thought I was doing a good deed. Apparently not, because I woke up to these three emails:

I am checkin to see if you are still coming today? I think I have you down to pickup around 1:30. My address is – removed -. Please email me back if you can come~if not I will have to gift to others
THanks

I have been here waiting. Your time was supposed to be at 1:30. If your not here by 230 then I will gift to others

disregard previous email. I cannot wait if you cannot show at appt time. As of right now, the only ones available to you are the wrestler, joe dirt. call me for another time

I read the emails and I’m a little pissed. Okay, so I sent you an email at seven this morning and you have time to email me three times in 30 minutes but NOT read the email I sent you? Come on now. So I sent her this back:

I replied back to you at 7:28 this morning. Here is the email:

On Sun, Nov 22, 2009 at 7:28 AM wrote:
Thanks for the response. I was going to get them for my brother, but he just told me that he didn’t need them after all. I appreciate it though. Thanks again. :)

So I sent that email, thought about it for another minute and decided that I just wasn’t going to let her off the hook for being a dumbass. So I sent this email right back:

I’m sorry that you didn’t see my email, but as you can see…I responded EARLY this morning. Thank you.

I swear to God, not three minutes later I get this email:

yes, i got your email and waited. no show. I have the ones in the previous email~wrestler and Joe dirt. If you can come pickup tomorrow after 5 that would be great(Monday)

*blinks* Okay, so you admit that you read my email, but you still think I want the movies even after I’ve told you three times that I don’t? I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about this. I’m clearly dealing with a genius here. So I wrote this back:

As stated in the previous emails, I don’t need to pick up the movies. I was going to get them for my brother, but he doesn’t want them. Thank you.

I didn’t get an email back for four whole hours and then ten minutes ago I receive this gem:

well as much as i hate to hear that, that’s fine. I just really would have appreciated a phone call instead of waiting around and having my children be antsy when we had plans.

Are you kidding me?!? You’re going to blame me because your kids had to wait around all day and got “antsy”? Bullshit. I’m clearly pissed at this point and I fire off this email:

I really don’t understand what was so hard about you reading my initial email at 7:30 this morning. I stated CLEARLY that I was no longer interested in the DVDs. I tried to at least to be courteous and give you a heads-up instead of just leaving you hanging like most people would. I’ve stated in five emails now that I don’t want them. If you waited, it’s your fault. I sent you an email early this morning so you wouldn’t wait, but you keep emailing me to set up a time to pick them up.

I don’t think I was rude anywhere in my emails and it’s kind of sad that I’m having to do so now. I am not a mean or rude person and I really do not like responding to people like this, but you’ve sort of forced my hand. I tried to give you a heads-up that I was no longer interested in the movies. I told you that I didn’t need them countless times, but you keep sending me emails. At this point, I’m at a loss as to how to handle this. You clearly are not getting it. You clearly are not understanding that I don’t want them. You clearly do not understand that you waited all day because you didn’t read my email. I’m sorry your kids got antsy, but that’s not my fault, that’s yours. I’m not going to call you at 7 in the morning to tell you that I no longer want them. An email is sufficient.

Please don’t email me anymore. This is ridiculous. I really do not have time for this.

As stated in the footer of her emails, she is a property manager for a Pooler subdivision. I feel bad for the people she works for and the people she manages, and if she handles her business any way that she’s handled this whole movie business, then damn.

I’m waiting with bated breath for her next intelligent email. I wonder what she’ll blame me for this time? War? Famine? Broken nail? Geezus, people piss me off. I hate having to take this to my blog, but this lady was just asking for it. And I don’t mind giving it.

UPDATE: I’ve been referring to this lady as the “Craigslist Lady”. It just occurred to me that I found her on Freecycle Savannah. My bad. Still doesn’t take away the ridiculousness of the situation.

Of course I just received this final email. I say final because I’m now blocking her:

i received a blank email from you~no worries. I will let the moderator know all about this,
and God Bless you

Wow, really? So you’ve harassed me all day long and accused me of making your kids antsy and now you say “no worries”? What a pill. I don’t know this woman from Adam to Eve, though her name DOES sound oddly familiar, and she may be really lovely in person, but she has come off as a complete dolt in my exchanges with her. I don’t see how she could’ve interpreted me wanting the movies after all the emails I sent her saying I didn’t. It just boggles the mind. And now she’s going to let the moderator know? Please do. OMG, please do that. I beg you. And make sure to send them all the emails I sent you, because if they contact me, you’d better believe I’m going to supply them.

Word of advice Freecycle Lady: Read every single word of the emails people send you. When they say they don’t want something, don’t badger them. People tend not to like that. If someone asks if something is still available, don’t automatically assume you can demand they show up at a certain time. In fact, make sure the people want it before you assume you can just schedule them in. Also, don’t try to throw the blame on them because you’re too lazy to read an email. K? K. Awesome.

I need a Tylenol.

These are some of my favorite songs at the moment. Take a listen and let me know what you like. My hope is that you’ll find something you haven’t heard before. It’s all about discovering new music. So enjoy. :)

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Anya Marina – Satellite Heart
Download audio file (Anya Marina – Satellite Heart.mp3)
I’ve always liked Anya Marina, so when I discovered that she was a part of the “New Moon” soundtrack, I became very giddy..and then a little sad that she and other beloved Indie darlings had sold out to the hormonally crazed teenage wasteland that is the Twilight saga. Don’t get me wrong, I love the books just as much as the next 30′something mother, but I’m officially over the hype. I get it…Rob Pattinson is hot and merely looking at his hair impregnates girls. I get it…Kristin Stewart hates all of you and thinks you’re all stupid and she couldn’t act her way out of a wet paper sack…but she’s gonna take your money anyway. I get it…anyone over 16 who likes the books or the movie are considered losers by the snotty teenage girls who spend Mommy and Daddy’s money on Edward Cullen panties and go around begging him to bite them on the neck…then accuse us older ladies of being weirdos. Gotcha. I’m…over…the…hype! Just let me enjoy the books, don’t ruin the movies, and keep all those angry little teenage girls away from me, okay?

So yeah, back to Anya. I love the raw emotion she puts into her songs. Her voice is so amazing and unique. And despite the fact that she has this little Twilight stain against her, I still adore her because of songs like this.

Fefe Dobson – I Want You
Download audio file (Fefe Dobson – I Want You.mp3)
You know, I’ve never been a fan of Fefe Dobson. It’s not that I didn’t like her music, I just sort of looked over it and could never really get into it. But when I heard this song in a commercial for the movie “Whip It”, I was like, “Ohhh…must have precious”. Now I’m the biggest Fefe Dobson fan. Girl can rock! I’m such a Johnny-Come-Lately at times.

I should add that the “Whip It” soundtrack is going to go down as one of my favorite movie soundtracks of all time. There’s a lot of really great music, so if you get a chance, check it out. Also, I took one of those Facebook quizzes and my Roller Derby name is: BRAWLY VENDETTA. How badass is that?

Franz Ferdinand – Bite Hard
Download audio file (Franz Ferdinand – Bite Hard.mp3)
Those of you who listened to Episode 103 of Sound Check with CK will recognize this as the song that started out the Dizzy Girl episode. I’ve always been a big FF fan and the song was sort of perfect for the episode. It rocks my socks. Oh and if you haven’t listened to Episode 103, then you really need to. I picked some really great songs, if I do say so myself. *grins* And while you’re over there, check out all of the past shows. If you’re a fan of good music and you’re not listening to it, then you’re really missing out. Sound Check is the best music podcast on the net…period. I tell no lies. ;)

Holly Conlan – You Are Goodbye
Download audio file (Holly Conlan – You Are Goodbye.mp3)
I’ve been singing this song for weeks now, so it only made sense to include it.

The Brooke – Under the Milky Way
Download audio file (The Brooke – Under the Milky Way.mp3)
There’s been a lot of covers of this song over the years, and while none of them come close to the original by The Church, I will say that this is probably my favorite of the covers. The Brooke is a fairly new discovery for me, but I have to say, I’m loving her covers, especially “Stray Cat Strut” and “Landslide”.

Sia – Under the Milky Way
Download audio file (Sia – Under the Milky Way.mp3)
Heard this a couple months back in a commercial for Lincoln MKT and got really excited. I love Sia, I love this song, and oddly enough, I love car commercials that feature Indie goodness. It’s the small things in life, ya know? :)

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I think it’s only fair that I throw The Church into this post, seeing as two covers of “Under the Milky Way” are included. Here’s the video for the original, full of bad 80′s music video effects, Aqua Net, and cheesy hipster sunglasses. God, I miss the 80′s.