When did it become really cool to take a picture of yourself flipping the bird at the camera? I was looking over a family member’s MySpace and every other damn picture is of some angry teenager wearing a three sizes too large sweater with dirty Emo hair underneath a sideways trucker hat flipping off the camera. Is this the new cool thing? If so, why was I not told? What do these kids have to be so angry about? It’s like an entire generation of teenagers are growing up pissed…and I’m not sure what about…and I don’t think they do either.

You know, I hate most teenagers. No, I really do. I know it sounds mean and I know that not all teenagers are bad, but it’s just that little percentage that I just want to shake the piss out of. When I was a teenager I STILL hated teenagers. When I’m 80, I’ll be that crotchety old lady at the end of the street who chases kids down the sidewalk with a broom yelling, “Come back here, you little bastards!”. I don’t get the whole teenage “God, no-one flippin’ understands me!!!” angst. Kids today just walk around being lazy and angry. What do they have to be angry about??? What’s the point in all that???

I have a 10 year old that’s starting to exhibit signs of “early teenager angst” and I always ask him, “What are you so mad about?”, to which he replies, “I’m not angry!!! I’m perfectly fine, why do you ask?!?!”. Well hold on there cowboy, mama was just asking if you wanted ketchup on your hamburger. I didn’t know I was stepping all over your rights or something. Geez. And it’s his little friends too. I’ll peek in on them while they’re playing on the front porch with their Halo action figures and light sabers, and as soon as I open the door, it’s like all the fun just gets sucked out of the air. They’ll turn and give me a “how dare you invade our personal space” look and it’s like instant bad attitudes. I want to look at them and say, “You’re 10 years old. Get the hell over it. Be a kid. Be happy. When you’re 30, you can start being angry and bitter. At that age, you’ll have earned the right to walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Until then, just…be…a…kid! Now get rid of the bad attitude or you don’t get the frickin’ Pop-Tart I’m bringing out to you, you little ungrateful shit!”.

Dizzy Girl would like to add that she would never call a child a “little ungrateful shit”. But I think it sometimes. Moving on.

Is this the tip of what I have to look forward to? Am I going to be cursed with a perpetually angry teenager? In five years, will he be wearing the baggy sweatshirt and scraggly hair? I’m trying my damnedest to make sure he’s a happy kid and doesn’t turn into one of these little Emo zombies. We do lots of family time on the weekend…and during the week in between work and homework. I keep him active in soccer and clubs. We’re always telling him how proud we are of him and how much we love him. We talk to him all the time about how he’s feeling and we let him know he can always come to us about anything…no topic is off-limits. He gets three hot meals a day. He’s got a warm bed at night. He has more toys and video games than one child should have. In short, he’s loved dearly and I’m trying to insure that he doesn’t turn into a teenager with an attitude. But I have to tell you, every time I see a teenager talk rude to his parents, I break out in hives and pray to the Good Lord that my child just grows up happy…and normal…sans chip on le shoulder. I hope that’s not too much to ask.

I mean, I’m a cool mom. I get the whole “I have to be my own person” thing and I want him to have his own unique personality. I don’t subscribe to the whole June Cleaver way of parenting and I don’t strive to be her. I don’t sugarcoat anything or baby him. I want him to grow into his own skin and I understand that kids are going to be kids and they have their own personalities and blah blah frickety blah.

That said, angry teenagers are such little shits. If I see another finger-flipping MySpace photo from some snotty-nosed kid who doesn’t have any responsibilities or really ANYTHING to be angry about, my head may just explode. *poof*

Am I just too old to “get it”? Am I just not understanding what it’s like to be a teenager today? Am I being too harsh? What’s the deal, kids? Explain it to me, because I want to know what’s ahead for my child.